Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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