Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
