just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
