i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
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