Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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