ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Randomize
