Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
