Can i not drive my cunt home
I faked an abortion last night.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Such a big mess for such a small penis
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
