You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
