this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Randomize
