You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
