Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Randomize
