i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Randomize