I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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