I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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