At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
This house was built for laser tag.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
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