dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
