Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
