Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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