I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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