I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
