We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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