I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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