She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
