I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
