the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
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