ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
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