i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
