I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Randomize
