The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize