dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
