Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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