Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
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