I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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