you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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