I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
