I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Randomize
