Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Randomize
