one two three fourrrrnication!
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
