Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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