She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Randomize
