Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
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