I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Randomize
