I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Just high enough for therapy.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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