Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Randomize
