According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
