My room smells like vodka and shame
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I was not drunk enough for that final.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
