I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
He did a backflip because drugs
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
