I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
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