get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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