You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
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