I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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