HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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