This girl is more easily done than said...
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
