I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
