It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
