ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
