dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
