Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Randomize
