i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Randomize
