Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
These tits shall not be calmed
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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