What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I think we might need a safe word for this...
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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