there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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