I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
