I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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