i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
