i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
