Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
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