what if every blade of grass was a penis?
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Randomize
