Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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