we're chasing vodka with high fives
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
