I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
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