my vag is so smooth its legendary
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Randomize
