I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
