We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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