I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
They should really pass out barf bags in church
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
