Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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