I'm so fucking centered right now
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Randomize
