Is it normal to miss your booty call?
can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize