I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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