he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
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