There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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