May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I could fuck to npr.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
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