i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
