you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
