god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
