No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
