I'm really into asian looking animals
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
This is classic penis vs brain.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Randomize
