Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
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