How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
