I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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